I just pynch a tree in the face
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
