Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize