8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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