I think I died a long time ago.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
