My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
