don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
