Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
