she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
