I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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