now i know why i became what i already was.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
