I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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