I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
