when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize