i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
