Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
