I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
