He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
