That's intense
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
