I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
