I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
