I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize