Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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