The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
