You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
