I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
