And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
