I must be too annoying 4 u.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
