you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
