I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize