Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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