It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So squirting runs in the family.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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