We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
