Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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