I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
