I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
