What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want nice things and good sex
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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