did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
