he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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