singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
