I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
