you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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