Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
