So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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