I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize