I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
