also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
