matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
