I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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