that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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