Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want her autograph on my taint
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
