Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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