Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
