I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
