i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize