There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
