I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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