Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
