I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My dick has a subreddit
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
