So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
