It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
