oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
