he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
