I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
