you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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