I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
