He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
