Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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