6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
