ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
